Beloved Reg

Tonight, while all alone in my room, I can feel the coldness outside brought by the strong wind and heavy rain. Then I saw this ‘lone star’ in the stormy night sky still shining. You were right, even the darkness will not be dark to You. I feel secured because of that. I know You are near . In the morning, I can hear whispers of Your love. You make me feel Your warmth in the afternoon. Finally,  just before twilight, I see Your greatness as You perfectly mix violet and orange together, two irreconcilable colors, with no sense of distraught.

You are definitely everywhere.

Even before I chose  to come to You, You were already there, calling me to go back home.  Just like how a father will call his child before the sun goes down,  from her playground. You never fail to remind me to go home early so that the night will not catch me, so that I can be safe from any danger and spare me from any pain that it could bring. You set a curfew not for me to suffer in jealousy with my other playmates but to prepare me for another safe and happier playtime the next day. You call me home, not to isolate me from my friends. Instead, You would want me to listen to You as you tell me of the plans You have for me.

Yet, it wasn’t easy. Just like the other children, to me, to play wantosawa is the greatest thing that could ever happen (to me). And I saw You as a killjoy, old guy up there telling me that I had enough of playing when for me and my playmates, we have only just started.

I am sorry, because I did not see your 6:00PM curfew as a protection before. Instead, I saw it as a leash around my neck. Every time I would hear Your voice pleading me to come back home, I would get so irritated and say in my mind, “Yiii, konti na lang, 5 more minutes. Kunwari na lang di ko Siya narinig”.

But let me thank You anyway for not giving up on me, Father. That even one day, when I chose not to follow the curfew, when I went beyond 6:00PM playing outside with my ‘cool friends’ and ran so far away from our house to hide from You, You did not stay inside and wait for me to come back then spank me;  You went outside the house to look for me even in the very dark and rainy night. It was really funny because it was me who chose not to listen to your rule but it was still You who made the effort.

You found me on road lying with many wounds and bruises. You know, I fell on a cliff while we were playing. Yet instead of scolding me, You lifted and carried me home while pampering me because I was crying out in pain. I could have reasoned out at that moment that it was really Your fault because You were a bit too hard on me. But the wounds are just so painful I cannot think of any logical words to say, because I knew what I did was wrong.

And when we got home, You put me in Your favourite couch and told me, “Calm down now, my daughter, it’s okay. You are now home. I am not angry with you. Now come, let me clean your wounds.”

“...And oh, by the way,  wear this new dress I bought for you. I am sure you will like it. I bought this because I know it would look good, pleasing and perfect for you.”

Then I suddenly stopped crying.  could not help but smile. I did not realize a father’s love until I became broken with painful wounds all over my body. My temporary joy of having a longer time to play outside blinded me from seeing how much my DAD loves me and cares for me.  Even when I disobeyed You, You looked for me.  More than that, You gave me a beautiful dress.

I may never know how You did that, I just know I am loved by a great FATHER. It did not matter to you even when I violated the curfew. You could have scolded me, spanked me, and ignored me for days because of my waywardness, yet what You saw in me is how I will look like, wearing the new dress You bought for me.

Thank You, Dad for the new dress. I love it. I won’t exchange it for anything else. I will forever wear this dress. I love You. J